Pretty sure the title speaks for itself. We all have setbacks. I am just coming back from a week off. A week off my diet plan, the gym and most social media. I needed some time to get my head right and my heart right. I have decided with much anguish to not compete in May and put competing on the back burner for now. Physically my body was not quite where I wanted to be and in all honesty, neither was my heart. To grind for another 5 weeks with the lowest calorie deficit I have ever had and to push my body with the extra minutes of cardio (although I know it could be done) did little for my soul. I have decided to focus on being healthy and happy and with the help of my trainer, I have decided on some other fitness goals.
Failure? Absolutely not. The failure would have been letting myself down just to go to the show and not finish where I want to be. Instead of beating myself up about it, I enjoyed it. My body was so sore from the excessive training, I was so fatigued from the caloric deficit that I could not focus on the day to day tasks. Zero excuses but in this sport you also have to be a realist. I know what I need to beat, I keep the pictures of my last show to remind myself every day. With lots of rest and food, by the weekend I was back to my old self. I had fun with my kids, enjoyed lots of hockey, got in a great workout, had a catch-up date with an old friend (long overdue), had ice cream, spring cleaned, finished my older son’s bedroom (finally) and just felt genuinely happy. Real happy. And endless amounts of energy. I find joy in accomplishment. Really I do.
What next? Right now I am working on my final course for my certificate in Human Resources through SAIT. I am also waiting for my Model submissions to be graded for the Classic Lash Course Technician course I took in March. But more than anything I am looking forward to the future. Big things this month, all of our family and my husband will be meeting the boys and I to cheer my oldest son on in The Director’s Cup Tournament. A special weekend with family and we will also celebrate my mom’s 70th birthday (a little late). To end the weekend a night for just me and my husband before he goes back west because we aren’t just the ring masters of this circus, we are lovers too. I plan on taking a couple days off as well to spend some time with my mom as she will be here a week and do something special with her. We will all be back together to celebrate Mother’s Day, then a couple days later we celebrate Cameron’s Champagne birthday. Jack has a concert coming up and I will go cheer on some friends at the show I am not competing in. Busy, I know.
Being healthy and happy is how I can do all this. I have to take care of myself to take care of everyone else. I can feel good about the decision I made. I did not sacrifice or compromise myself in any way, I made the right decision for my body. I am happy with the changes I made and the way I look and feel. I will continue to eat clean but not restrictive and I will continue to train without being obsessive. Will I compete again? I am not sure. I am very grateful I did but for the immediate future, I cannot dedicate the time needed to be competitive. And I am competitive. Timing is everything and I am pretty sure the time will come again. For now, I will enjoy rocking a fit bod and still eat donuts.
The take away? This prep made me dig deep and push myself hard. I loved it and felt really good until the calories started getting cut. I know what I am capable of as I have done it before but I also know my physical and mental limitations. I know when to rest, when to push and when to stop. I wouldn’t say I am a quitter because I have not given up. I would say I am just postponing it. It is still a personal goal to place at a bodybuilding show and I will smash that goal when I am ready to. I took 6 whole days off to recover and ate a mix of good and bad foods. After months of restrictive dieting it is hard not to go overboard but my body was grateful to get back to the gym Saturday. I will always be setting myself up with new goals, every day, every week and every month, stay tuned.