Without a doubt the higher the level of hockey the higher the cost. Aside from the gear, the fees, the travel and the $300 sticks your child seems to snap with abandon. The trainers, the agents, the extra camps all add up but what about the hidden costs that no one talks about? The pressure on these young athletes, the emotional toll on them, on the parents, the financial strain on the families? Very few people seem to talk about the actual costs to the related to the sport.
I think slowly we are seeing a positive shift in mental health awareness and with big names in sports stepping up and speaking up like Michael Phelps, Simone Biles and Carey Price. We are also starting to see the long term effects of being an athlete. We see the hits, the injuries, the ice time (or lack of), living away from home, constant travel and a full schedule but what we can't see is the emotional toll it takes on our kids. Juggling school work, friendships, training and competing while your brain is still developing and hormones are flowing plus coping with a global pandemic? Are we taking the time to mentally check in with our kids or are we too exhausted from their schedule plus ours to notice? What should we look for? What are the signs? I myself have been asking these questions this year as my husband and I have had our own fair share of disagreements about the season. I am no expert and thankfully there is a lot of information online about the subject. With my kids billeting out, I don't get to see them every day to notice subtle changes. We talk every day but what should I ask them? Are my kids struggling? I am doing my best to figure that out by keeping all lines of communication open with the boys. I speak with them every day and send multiple mom texts throughout the day. We have conversations on everything from school, their friends, ice time, their expectations, our expectations and their futures.The teenage years are much harder than expected, not because of them, but my own unwillingness to let go. They are finding their way from boyhood to manhood and there will be struggles along the way for all 4 of us.
We are our children's advocates, if you think your child is struggling there is a lot of information online to help. If you are unfamiliar with the Brady Leavold story, you should look it up. I found his podcast Hockey 2 Hell and Back by accident one day and it was eye opening for me. If you get a chance, check him out @pucksupport on social media or his podcast on Spotify and Youtube and share with your teens. Brady does public speaking on his struggles and has done many with hockey teams sharing his story. I would like to highlight his work in an upcoming blog so stay tuned for that one. To know these things can happen to our kids is important and that's why the tough conversations need to be had.
This year I have watched the struggles helplessly. Cameron has been battling injuries and is waiting for surgery. Jack figuring out how to be brave and find himself. Maybe it's empty nest syndrome? They are 14 and 16 and living on their own, mental mind fuck for me. Some may have embraced this time alone but for me it has been consumed by work and missing my husband who is working away to pay for it.
My husband and I have felt the financial strain with the steep price tag that came with the sport, which also takes a toll on a marriage. I am beyond grateful for him stepping up to the plate all those years ago and being the dad my kids needed. This year to afford the luxury of playing at the academy he went back to work out of town. The kids have no idea the hours he has put in to make this magic happen. The stress of us being apart for months at a time, the hardships, sadness and loneliness of a hard Manitoba winter all has been a struggle for us. We are blessed that our relationship is very strong, we are a team. I know it sounds cliche but he really is my best friend. The strengths I lack, he has and that is what keeps me going. And although I also have a successful career, I had to cash out on some of my retirement plan to help fuel this dream. These are the sacrifices we have chosen to make for them, your sacrifices my be different.
I am no expert in anything and I am not trying to be. I just think having candid conversations are important to help us as parents to feel like we are not alone or that we are somehow failing. My kids have been afforded a luxury that many have not but they have had to also work for it. Hard work pays off, they see that now. How far they go will be determined by how much they put in, as will our contributions to chasing their dreams. Marriage, kids, money, career. Juggling all this shit is hard, you need to choose your own hard.